Girl on girl

I grew up around a lot of boys.  Throughout my life I've had a lot of close groups of friends, most of which were comprised of guys.  I had girlfriends, of course, but I always felt more free and secure around my guy friends.  My girl groups were catty and mean, gossipy and dysfunctional - I once literally locked a girlfriend in a locker because she was the smallest one of us and I thought it would be funny.  It wasn't.  It was an awful, stereotypical high school brat thing to do and I'll never forget my poor, scared friend genuinely begging to be let out.  (I doubt she will ever read this, but if she does: I'm so sorry, Laura - for everything.)

I've always said I don't really like women, and that I much prefer the company of men, or of other women who prefer the company of men.  Men are much more easygoing and fun - they can make and take jokes without anyone's feelings getting hurt.  They can have it out with each other and then move on.  They have little to no interest in malicious gossip, and they don't hold grudges.  (Of course, these are all my own outside observations as a woman and could be completely wrong).
Women, on the other hand, absolutely relish talking behind each other's backs.  It's a sadistic feeling of satisfaction, airing other people's dirty laundry, and I've seen this tendency follow women (myself included) into adulthood.
Fancying myself a strong, free-thinking woman who loves giving the finger to forced expectations (and who generally just hates being told what to do), I've also always held particular disdain for women who feel the need to dress themselves up, cake themselves in makeup and engage in pretty girl posturing.  "Why do these girls allow society to dictate how they present themselves?  Do they have no self-respect?"

What I've realized lately is that my self-righteous judgment of women is the absolute opposite of helpful, and is only perpetuating the girl-on-girl hate that is the antithesis of feminism and detrimental to our fight for equality.  It's also completely hypocritical, considering I am guilty of many of the same things I roll my eyes at other women for, not to mention the fact that I know that everyone's behaviour comes from somewhere, and this kind of female behaviour undoubtedly comes from female-specific insecurity.  And if I really believe that we are all just products of our upbringing and socialization (which I absolutely do), then I can't fault women for their insecurity and resulting unconscious attempts to adhere to strict patriarchal standards; after all, we're all operating under the same patriarchal framework and doing the best we can within it.   In fact, my own rigid expectations and what I was willing to put up with in regards to women are not much different than those patriarchal expectations imposed upon women - can't we all just let women do what they want without judging them?!

Of course women are going to feel the need to be the sweet, pretty things society expects them to be - how are they to blame for that?  How is it my place to roll my eyes at them, simply because I have some misguided, self-righteous idea of myself as a more enlightened version of woman?  I can't adhere to this assertion of myself while still viewing other women as mindless, compliant sheep.
My scorn of women's competitiveness toward other women is in direct opposition to my knowledge as a feminist that women are socialized to be competitive toward one another.  There is so much pressure placed on women to be perfect examples of socially-prescribed femininity, to bag a man before becoming sexually obsolete and perform the expected wifely and motherly duties.  Of course we're going to eye each other with suspicion, sizing each other up to decide whether other women, who face the very same struggles in the very same patriarchal, misogynist society, are a threat to us.
But we need to stop.  Because perpetrating girl-on-girl hate is only working for patriarchy and helping misogyny; if women hate and disrespect themselves, and women hate and disrespect each other, why shouldn't men hate and disrespect women?

Young girls are mean and catty to each other because they are learning how it feels to be insecure, and putting each other down makes them feel temporarily powerful.  Women and mothers are judgmental toward each other because they are under constant pressure to adhere to strict expectations.  The thing is, we are not the ones pressuring ourselves or each other; we are simply reacting to a society that does this to us.  We are aiming our arrows in the wrong direction; rather than attack each other, we must band together to attack the things that pit us against each other. 

I will no longer look at another woman with disdain or judgment.  I will acknowledge her journey and her struggle with compassion and understanding.  I will smile warmly and genuinely - especially at young girls, whose struggles are intense and only just beginning.

If I love myself fiercely in defiance of a world that tells me I shouldn't, I must also love others like me who are fighting the same fight.  And I do.

You fucking go, girls.

Finding the funny

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  What a day!

I am shocked by how many people are shocked by this.  As if we didn't think it was possible.  As if we didn't know that the US was comprised more of ignorant, racist, uneducated dingbats than people of actual intellectual ability with critical thinking skills.

Let me break this down for you:

From the beginning Trump has said what he thought (knew) people wanted to hear.  It's as simple as that.  Historically he has flip-flopped on myriad issues.  He has the mind of a businessman who knows how to make a deal and obviously knows how to play people.  It's impossible to tell when the man really means what he is saying, because it's all a play. Guess what, America: you just got played.  Of course, Trump isn't the first politician (and I use the term politician extremely lightly and grudgingly here) to tell the people what they want to hear in order to get elected - however, he may be the first person to ONLY tell people what they want to hear, without actually having any real, substantive policy to back it up.  The dude may be a businessman, but he has absolutely no business running a country - he is not a fucking politician.

He is a public figure, a celebrity - and we know how much Americans love a celebrity!  When Trump first talked about running for President, many of us with brains in our heads found it utterly laughable that some reality tv buffoon thought he could rise to such a position of power and respect, but in playing off of the lowest common American's thirst for celebrity and entertainment, that's exactly what he did, and I'm not at all surprised it worked.  People are stupid, easily distracted and misled, let me remind you.  Who else is a stupid person going to vote for?  Certainly not a stoic, qualified, intelligent (albeit far from perfect) WOMAN!

Which brings me to my next point.  As a new wave feminist who has asserted time and time again that the world was built FOR and BY straight, white men, I'm actually a bit tickled to have been backed up by such a tangible, real-world, in-your-face example.  NO LONGER can anyone argue otherwise.  No longer can we say racism, sexism, etc are not rampant in America.  Trump played into the growing fears people (ie racists and misogynists) have about their world of misplaced entitlement being taken away from them, and guess what: THAT SHIT WORKED.  Hooray for white Americans!

If it seems like I'm making light of this dire situation, if it seems like I'm simplifying the issue, it's because I am.  It's a fucking ridiculous situation, America.  How can I be expected to take you seriously?  I don't purport to be a political analyst, but I refuse to even categorize what we've been seeing over the past year or so as politics.  It is an unprecedented, outrageous, absolutely laughable situation that too many Americans have abetted, and is an unequivocal symptom of American senselessness.  This is not to say I am making light of the coming struggles for minorities, immigrants, refugees, the LGBTQ2+ community, women and whomever else Trumpasaurus Rex has spoken against.  My heart is with those who will be most negatively affected by the coming shitstorm; but I find it easier on my heart to look upon people with bigoted, backassward values with amused contempt than to panic over the state of the world.  I'd rather pat an ignorant dimwit on the head while rolling my eyes, because down the road that ignorant dimwit will be on the losing side of history.  Let me be clear: those who support human rights are in the right.  Human rights are non-negotiable, and those who fail to see this now will be appropriately vilified later.  So for now, I choose to shake my head and find the funny.

I do feel really bad for HRC - not because she lost this election, but because she had to run against this sorry excuse for a human being in the first place.  HRC may not be everyone's cup of tea, but she is a serious politician with decades of experience who deserved the respect of at least running against another serious politician instead of someone who makes a mockery of American politics and humanity in general.  I feel bad for her because, as the first woman to be seriously considered for President, she was pitted against an absolutely laughable opponent, and she deserved better.  She deserved a serious fight, and this election cycle has been a ludicrous gong show from the beginning.

Things often get worse before they get better; in fact, in these times of complacency and easy distractions, things MUST get worse before people are spurred on to make things better.  I think sometimes upheaval has to happen.  Protests, riots, unadulterated anger and defiance against what is wrong and unjust - these things have to happen in order for things to change.  Maybe things won't be as bad as we think.  Maybe Trump really was only saying those terrible things to cater to the lowest common denominator, and now that he is President he will go back on it all (we've seen it before!)  Maybe he'll be so ineffectual as President he won't cause too much harm.  Maybe he will fuck everything up and at the end of his 4 years he'll get the boot.  Maybe he'll destroy the country... and you know what, maybe the country needs to be destroyed before getting built back up to be better (and I would have said the same thing had we Canadians re-elected Stephen Harper).

Whatever happens, I'm choosing to see a Trump presidency as a catalyst for change for the better. Because although so many misguided Americans voted for him, there are still many, many people in the country and around the world who see his campaign of lies, hatred and idiocy for what it is, and that gives me hope.  Things might be about to get worse, but it's now the job of every American citizen with a good heart, kind soul, and brain in their head to use those things to fight even harder for what's right.  If Trump is not your President, you'd better damn well stand up and show it instead of rolling over and taking the ass-fuckery he's about to dole out.  The apparent majority of Americans have spoken, and shown who they are in doing so.  Now it's time for the decent ones to show who they are, and to fight more fiercely than ever before to be the good that America and the rest of the world needs.  Because only when the good guys stop fighting will the bad guys truly have won - and my friends, we are the good guys.

I'm not gonna lie - I actually can't wait to see what happens.  Stay strong, friends.

An open letter to straight white men, from a straight white woman

Before we get into it, I want to clarify that I don't hate men.  I love men.  I love the company of men.  I love discussing with men the distinctive point of view and separate reality women have from men – if they're open to it.  But too many of you aren't open to it. Some of you get downright irate when a woman's experience is brought up.  So this is a letter to address those men in particular. 

I understand that no one likes to be attacked or accused.  However, we must all be aware that the world in which we live was set up by and for white men, and therefore it's important to acknowledge that a person benefits most from having been born a white male, regardless of not having had any choice in the matter.  I'm not blaming you for being a white man.  But reacting with anger and defensiveness when someone points this privilege out is not helping to solve any problems.  As a white person, I do not feel anger when talked to about white privilege (actually, I do feel anger – at the injustices faced by those of lesser privilege).  But I also do not let myself feel personal guilt for having been born white, as that isn't helpful either and would be entirely missing the point by taking the issue and making it about me and my "discomfort," thereby skirting around the real problem and further invalidating a marginalized person's experience. 

I don't feel guilty because I'm doing my best to maintain awareness of my privilege and use it to fight alongside the people who need to work much harder in order to experience the things the most privileged among us take for granted.  So while you may not have contributed directly to the problem of patriarchy you certainly have benefited from it, and denying this fact and getting angry when someone points it out means you are absolutely contributing to the problem.  This is what gets third-wave feminists like myself riled up – it’s not that you're a man: it's that you're a willfully ignorant man who clearly doesn't give a damn about the people around you. 

You don't understand what women are bitching about because you've never experienced the things that make women feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and ashamed.  Maybe you've witnessed a couple incidents of sexism but thought they were no big deal, because, hey, it was only a couple of times, right?  But it’s not only a couple of times and it is a big deal; sexist, misogynist shit happens all the time and just because you don't see it or don’t believe it does not negate this fact.  It isn't just a matter of a few jerks acting like they ain't got no mommas.  This is something else I need you to understand: it's not you, it's the system.  True third-wave feminists are not out to attack individual men; we are attacking the patriarchal systems that form the foundation of our society which allow and encourage men to behave reprehensibly toward women. 

And by the way, patriarchy hurts men too.  Why do you think some men feel the need to act so macho?  Why do you think men aren't supposed to cry?  Why do you think men are much more likely than women to commit suicide?  Men's issues and women's issues stem from the very same thing – this is what third-wave feminism addresses.  We don't think you're all misogynist pigs who are incapable of controlling yourselves around women; we hold you to a much higher standard than that.  We're on your side too. 

So please, when a woman attempts to engage you in a conversation about feminism, don't get angry and don't get defensive.  If you believe in equality for all, you will instead find it within yourself to accept your power of privilege and use that power to help women in their fight for equality.  We don't hate you – we need you.  When it comes to dismantling such intrinsic, damaging attitudes and social mores, we need all the help we can get.  Feminism demands equality for everyone, which means we need everyone on board. 

Being a woman

                                                                                     http://discretionstudios.com

"I (...) consider being female such a unique gift, such a sacred joy, in ways that run so deep I can't articulate them.  It's a special kind of privilege to be born into the body you wanted, to embrace the essence of your gender even as you recognize what you are up against.  Even as you seek to redefine it." Not That Kind of Girl, Lena Dunham, pg 131

I have always loved being female, even as a young girl.  I like dressing up in pretty things when I want to.  I take pride in being a fierce, outspoken woman in a world that prefers women be meek and silent.  I'm thrilled to have been born female and to identify as female.  But it comes with its inherent challenges - challenges that, unless you are a woman, you may have no idea even exist.  Allow me to illuminate some of these things.

Being a woman means:

knowing right off the bat a lot of men will have absolutely no interest in reading this;

being sexualized before even knowing what that means;

never being "enough" - thin enough, pretty enough, natural enough, sweet enough, sexual enough, chaste enough, feminine enough, ambitious enough, independent enough, a good enough mother...

being taught to dread fine lines and grey hair because it means your social value and attractiveness as a woman is in decline;

society seeing your sexuality as amusing and/or grotesque past a certain age;

having to constantly explain why you don't want to have kids;

having to constantly explain why you choose to raise your kids the way you do;

realizing you are a woman when men start giving you (often unwanted) attention:
      "The group of women was racially and economically diverse, but (...) (a)lmost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them.  'I was walking home from ballet and a guy in a car yelled, "Lick me!"'  'I was babysitting my younger cousins when a guy drove by and yelled, "Nice ass."'  There were pretty much zero examples like 'I first knew I was a woman when my mother and father took me out to dinner to celebrate my success on the debate team.'"  Bossypants, Tina Fey, pg 15

somehow always being in competition with other women, even though we all face similar misogynist barriers and should be working together to break them down instead of trying to break each other down;

having different feminist issues depending on ethnicity, socieoeconomic standing, gender identity, ability, and other factors that contribute to the concept of intersectionality;

learning to recognize when another woman is trapped in an unwanted situation (on the street, in a bar...) but being afraid to intervene;

having to vie for space while also apologizing for taking that space;

being told to smile by strange men, as if this is something we owe them simply for being a woman in a public space;

being able to recognize the exact moment a man decides he's going to impose himself upon you, and learning how to brace yourself for it;

knowing how to politely turn a man down;

being called a bitch for politely turning a man down;

learning how to avoid confrontation instead of telling someone who is in your space to fuck off;

being called a slut, a tease and a prude - depending on men's and/or society's expectations of you at any given time;

being expected to be available for sex when a man wants it, but not allowing yourself to seem like you want sex too much, for fear of being labeled easy;

not reporting a rape because you're ashamed that it happened and you know the justice system will only capitalize on that shame;

knowing that speaking out about women's issues could bring about cruel, misogynist trolling and get you simplistically labeled a man-hater;

having your insecurities used as a marketing tool;

being uncomfortable in various situations without being able to pinpoint why;

having men talk over you, especially to other men;

having to regulate your emotions for fear of being labeled "too emotional" or "crazy";

struggling to redefine what femininity is to you, or what you want it to be;

feeling guilt and shame for failing to do enough to avoid being a victim of harassment;

having the responsibility of sexual health and birth control put on you by society while having to pay a ridiculous amount of money for it;

receiving unsolicited comments about your appearance or eating habits from strangers and loved ones alike;

not necessarily being taught how to love yourself and then being vilified and slut-shamed for making "poor decisions" in an attempt to seek validation;

exercising to better yourself in the eyes of society and having people judge you for being overweight while doing it;

being responsible for regulating men's responses to you;

feeling shame and embarrassment about perfectly natural things like menstruation, post-natal depression and miscarriage;

constantly bargaining with yourself about what you should and should not eat, and feeling the need to justify these things to yourself and others - constantly trying to convince yourself you've "earned" that piece of cake or extra slice of pizza but feeling guilty about it anyway;

knowing what it feels like to have a strange man rub his erection on you in a crowded bar or after a date and feeling shame that you said nothing about it because you didn't want to make a scene...

being expected to stand up for yourself in some situations, but being seen negatively for doing so in other situations;

knowing that when you say "no" it still may not be taken as "no";

being labeled crazy and demanding for being honest about what you want, what you need, what you expect;

being shamed for breastfeeding in public;

being told you're still really hot "for a mom";

being condescended to when showing emotion, as if our tears or anger are cute but inconvenient;

learning that beauty and compliance are the rent you are expected to pay for inhabiting a female body;

being told as a child "boys will be boys" when they hit you, pull your hair and throw sand in your face... then, as an adult, being expected to ward off abusive men - "Why didn't you leave?  What did you do to stop it?"

being blamed for your own rape;

being told you're getting too angry during a conversation about equal rights and your experience of injustice as a woman, injustice you've experienced your entire life (why wouldn't a person be mad about these things?)

going head-to-head with a misinformed man about feminism and equality and having him belittle and deny your experience, even though you a) have lived the experience as a woman and b) (in my case) have formal education on the subjects of gender studies, gender history, and feminist issues;

knowing some men will read all of this and still refuse to get it.

You say tomato, I say oppression

In the news these days: leaders of a socialist country attempt to keep their citizens safe by further ostracizing a section of their population?!
Also see: men continue to regulate women's bodies.

Seriously though, did you guys even know what a burkini was before this week?  I sure as hell didn't.

In case you haven't heard, several places in France are now banning (Muslim) women from wearing their choice of bathing suit, in a move that serves only to further divide an already tense population.  I totally understand a leader's desire to ensure each citizen's freedom from oppression, especially in a secular society, as France claims to be.  However - and I can't believe I even have to point this out - restricting people from wearing something they choose to wear as part of upholding their faith is oppression!
Look, I know that many Muslim women are forced (by their male counterparts) to wear certain things and adhere to strict rules, and it bothers me as much as it does the next free-thinking gal... although perhaps this is just my own white person's misguided understanding of the situation.  Either way, many Muslim women also choose these things for themselves in order to adhere to the religious code they've been brought up with (the same way people of other less highly publicized and vilified religions adhere to their chosen religion's own rules).  And if we're talking specifically about controlling women, consider Christianity: if I were to ask you about the women in the Bible, whose names would come to you?  The ever-pure Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene, a dirty, dirty whore.  These are two opposing views of women exemplified in the most read and revered book in existence (a book written, edited, and re-edited a bazillion times by - you guessed it - men!)  You can't tell me this opposition is an accident.  This is very clear allegory used as a cautionary tale to women and an outright simplistic reduction of women's character into two specific streams - because of course, if a woman is not one, she must be the other!  This is just one example of myriad ways this particular religion oppresses women; without getting too deeply into a wider discussion about religion in general, there is no doubt in my mind (and in the mind of anyone else who has critically studied religion) that a key part of most religions is the control of women (and of course the general population as a whole... but again, I'm not getting into that today).

All this to say, we can't accuse one religion of oppressing women when too many others are guilty of the very same thing.

However, the buzzword-du-jour continues to be Islamic radicalism, so of course we're going to latch on to what those crazy Muslims are doing, get up on our high white-person horses and tsk tsk about it.
But what they're really doing in France, rather than reversing female oppression, is persecuting ladies who just want to go play in the water like the rest of us, without sacrificing their religious ideals.  French leaders are also playing further into people's misguided fear of Islam (ie fear of what they do not know or understand), thereby broadening the existing divide between their citizens.  To my mind, this is simply a knee-jerk reaction to the recent horrific attacks in France... which is understandable, of course, but when making any decision, appropriate sensibility and level-headedness must be used.  That is not what we're seeing with the decision to ban burkinis, and consequently this move serves no one positively.

I'd also like to point out that in many cultures women wear full-bodied bathing suits without religious connotations.  When my sister and I were at a water park in Singapore, we were some of the only women in western-style bathing suits; most other women and girls were in suits that covered their arms and legs - and Singapore is a decidedly multi-ethnic, multi-religion, and extremely civilized country.  I can't say for sure if any or all of the women at that water park were covered up for religious reasons - although I doubt they all were - but certainly the choice was made for the sake of modesty, which is an important aspect of Asian culture, regardless of religion.  Armed with this knowledge, again I can only conclude that the ban on the burkini stems directly from people's misinformed fear of Islam.
If women were simply choosing to cover up for modesty's sake, taking religion - and more specifically, Islam - completely out of the equation, I doubt this would even be an issue.  (And of course, no one has a problem with someone wearing a full body wetsuit, because again, religious connotation.)  But inject into the situation a (historically xenophobic) country's anger toward a certain faith and suddenly something has to be done about this non-issue. 

So now we are singling out specific women to make a point.  Lovely.

What are these women supposed to do?  Not got to the beach?  They certainly aren't going to go against their religious convictions and buy a western-style bathing suit simply to appease people.  In fact, a French leader's demand that Muslim women use a different bathing suit is no different than someone or something else telling them to cover up; either way, women are being told what they can and can not do with their bodies.  Whether it's in the name of religion or secularism, it's the same thing, and it's wrong and it's ridiculous.

Simply because a country identifies as a secular society, this does not give leaders the right to take away people's religious freedom.  I myself am not a religious person and therefore do not advocate from the point of view of any religion; however, I am an advocate of a person's rights, and religious freedom is one of those rights.  Do I believe the world would be a more peaceful and sensible place without organized religion as one more way to divide and control us?  Absofuckinglutely.  But a person's right to practise their chosen religion should be given the same respect as a person's right to live by no religion at all, and we can not talk about human rights while picking and choosing which human rights to uphold.
Beyond this, as tempting as it is to point at what we perceive as oppression and declare it wrong (in this case, the forced covering of Muslim women's bodies), it is not up to us to decide what is best for someone else.
A country looks to its leaders for guidance, and a leader's reaction to any situation can and will greatly affect the larger population's reaction.  By banning a damn bathing suit, France's leaders are continuing to tell its citizens that people practising Islam are to be feared, at a time when understanding, acceptance and unity are needed most.  The move to ban an innocuous garment only serves to further divide the people of France, which will absolutely do more harm than good.

Things I've learned traveling

Don't you love reading unsolicited and patronizing advice from people on the internet?  Neither do I!  That's why this post isn't titled "My Top 10 Travel Tips" (as much as I love alliteration...)  Instead, this post is more of a compilation of things (in no particular order) I myself have learned and/or need to remind myself whenever I travel.  Take it or leave it.

You will get scammed!
Regardless of how many well-meaning travel blogs you read or security warnings you heed on your country's Travel Advice and Advisory pages, I can guarantee this will happen to to you.
During my Euro trip in 2009, I had a flight to catch from Milan to Paris.  When I got off the train from Florence a very nice man approached me and asked if I needed help with my luggage.  Being a relative travel newbie I went along with it.  He asked me where I was headed and I told him I needed to find the bus to the airport.  So he very eagerly led the way to where I was going, chatting along the way about how he was from Morocco and worked at the train station, helping people get to where they were going.  We conversed in a combination of English, French, and some Italian, and he was a very nice man.  I did notice he wasn't dressed in a uniform or anything that official looking - his clothes were rather worn, actually.  When we got to the bus, he handed me my luggage, put his hands out to me, and said "s'il te plais, tu peux m'aider?" (Please, can you help me?)  Aaaah, the jig was up!  So he didn't really have a job at the train station, he was a beggar who, in return for helping travelers find their way with their luggage, expected recompense.  I felt so silly in front of the bus driver and all those passengers - I couldn't believe I had fallen for this!  I handed him a few Euros and boarded the bus in my shame.  (In all honesty, this was a pretty mild case of being taken advantage of and he obviously needed the money, so I didn't feel anything more than mildly embarrassed for myself).  And I'm sure there are maaaany other times I've been taken for a sucker, times I wasn't even aware of being taken advantage of. 
To add insult to injury to this story, when I finally arrived at the airport I realized I was at THE WRONG DAMN AIRPORT, which meant I had to get back on the same bus I had just got off of, pay a second time, get back to the train station, get onto the proper bus to the proper airport and pay a third time.  It was an expensive night and a real hit to my solo traveler's confidence.
This brings me to my next lesson:

Double check your damn flight info, you idiot.

Choose your travel buddy wisely!
People can be very different when so far out of their comfort zone (or their existing neuroses even more pronounced...), and friendships can be forever altered (or ended) if your personalities and styles don't match up.  This may not be something you're aware of until it's too late...

Be nice to the flight attendants.
Same goes for the people who run your hostel or guestroom, or anyone who is providing a necessary service.  These people take a lot of unnecessary crap from rude travelers all the time.  Just be nice and respectful and you will be appreciated (and maybe remembered) for it.

Sometimes, you will be the ugly tourist.
One day in Cambodia my sister and I had plans to visit part of the Angkor Wat complex.  For some reason I thought it would be ok to show up in jean shorts and a tank top, knowing full well it absolutely was not (don't ask - I don't know what I was thinking, either).  When the person at the gate refused me entry, I threw what can only be described as an ugly feminazi shit fit, pointing to a white male traveler (in similar garb to mine, though I think his shorts were much longer) and shrieking "AND WHAT ABOUT HIM?  YOU LET HIM IN?  HE CAN WEAR WHAT HE WANTS BECAUSE HE'S A MAN?!"
I can not tell you how ashamed I am of this behaviour.  I know what certain cultures expect in terms of dress, especially at sacred sites.  There is no excuse for this.  Don't be this person.

Forgive yourself but learn from your mistakes.
Guess who will a) handle such a situation with grace and understanding next time, and b) be properly attuned to cultural expectations from now on?

Apparently it's weird to clap for the pilot after a smooth landing?
I recently read this in one of those "flight attendants tell all" articles, and it really surprised me.  Apparently it's enough to simply say thank you, I enjoyed the flight (or whatever) when getting off the plane...  In any case, being the only person to clap once a plane has landed would definitely make you the in-flight weirdo.

Booze+allergy meds=sleep on a plane!
I know drinking at high altitudes is not the best idea, and mixing booze with sleep-inducing drugs is never recommended... but it's truly the only thing that has ever put me to sleep on a plane (and helped me sleep for 6-8 hours, no fucking joke.)  It was miraculous.

Flying somewhat tipsy is super fun.
Judge me.  I don't even care.

Listen to your gut.
This totally goes for day-to-day life as well, but when you're in a foreign country, the ability to trust your own intuition is an important skill to have.  It's better to walk away from a situation that makes you uneasy than to give in to a fear of missing out on some random travel adventure or fun story.

Do what you want, and don't feel bad about "wasted days."
Speaking of fear of missing out, don't feel bad if you ever spend a day doing nothing but sitting in your hostel room, writing a journal or some postcards, or watching endless Harry Potter movies in the lounge.  Travel is exhausting, and it's ok to give yourself time to refuel.  A person needs a mental health day every once in awhile and it's totally ok (and necessary!) to give this to yourself on the road.

Your worst hangovers will happen on travel days.
At least, this has ALWAYS, without fail, been the case for me.  I think it's because when I'm leaving a city, I sometimes want to have one last hoorah there before moving on.  This means painful wakeups the next day, even more painful bus rides, and possibly vomiting in the streets of Athens in front of a supremely nice couple from Germany and Belgium who insist your nausea must be because of "the heat."

Ocean water solves everything.
If you are traveling in a place that's almost always hot and/or sticky, and you find yourself and/or your travel buddy mysteriously becoming increasingly irate, get ye to the nearest watering hole and dive in (provided you are close to water, of course... if you're not, sucks to be you).  Without sounding too evangelical, there is something obviously super cleansing and rejuvenating about letting yourself float in a body of water.  I can almost guarantee doing this will dispel any pent up negativity you were feeling before.  For me, even the promise of a refreshing dip is enough to make me feel giddy when I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted I want to curl up and do nothing for the remainder of my trip.

Keep a journal of your travels.
When I'm away, especially on longer trips, I try to write in a journal every day.  Sometimes every day is not doable, but if you have the time, it's totally worth it to jot down what you did that day, how you're feeling, and whatever you've been experiencing.  Years later, whenever I reread these, I am reminded of more specific aspects of my time away that I may have forgotten, and it always makes me smile (and sometimes cry).  I am always thankful for this!

Carry yourself with confidence, but don't be afraid to look like a tourist.
This is a big one for me - I hate looking like a tourist... which I realize is ridiculous because, of course, I am a damn tourist!  Sometimes you will need to ask a local for help, or stop to look at a map, and that's totally allowed.  The real problem is when you're fumbling and bumbling around, looking like you can't tell your ass from your oh-so-discrete passport fanny pack.  Thieves and scammers are opportunists, and if you make it obvious to them that you're an easy target, then an easy target you will become.  If you keep your wits about you, stay aware of your surroundings and your belongings (in other words, if you make it difficult to be taken by surprise or taken advantage of), you will largely be left alone.

The more someone badgers you for your business, the less you want to give that person your business.
Someone following behind you, repeatedly crying out "tuk-tuk tuk-tuk tuk-tuk" is not only annoying (and who wants to encourage that kind of behaviour?) - it is a sign that you should keep walking until you find someone who isn't so obviously keen to rip you off.

Eat where the locals do.
Ask your taxi driver, hotel concierge, or someone walking down the street where they eat.  Pay attention to places that are busy and full of locals - that's where you want to be!

Stock up on all the drugs.
Take Dukoral before going to a place known for dodgy water, dodgy food, and dodgy bowels.  I've spent a lot of time in such places, and the worst I've experienced was one day of sort of questionable (though not urgently uncomfortable) poops in India and a one-night close call of food poisoning due to bad seafood in Phuket.  I attribute my strong constitution while traveling to Dukoral, god of digestive issue prevention.
Bring water purification tablets - they make the water taste like chlorine, but you never know when you're going to be somewhere bottled water isn't easily accessible.
Bring diarrhea medication, in case the Dukoral and water purification tablets fail.
Know your body and what it might need under certain uncomfortable or extreme circumstances.  I myself am a huge fan of Gravol.

You will at some point vomit and/or poop your pants.
You can be as diligent as you want with the medications, but shit happens... sometimes literally.  Clean up and move on.

Traveling is just getting from one place to another.
Before my first big solo trip to Europe, I'd lay in bed terrified, thinking to myself "What the hell am I doing?! How am I going to pull this off?" I had to remind myself that traveling is literally just finding a way of getting from one place to another.  I still have this same moment of panic before a big trip, and I still have to remind myself of this.  The only difference between getting yourself to your job every day and getting around while traveling is that you're in a different, unfamiliar place (also, that working is lame and traveling is awesome).

You can't just talk about traveling - you have to take tangible steps toward doing it.
This is one of my all-time biggest pet-peeves... I HATE hearing phrases like "I wish I could travel," "one day I'll get to (such and such a place)," or, my favourite, "you're so lucky!"  Ok, I am lucky to have been born a privileged white woman in Canada who has the opportunity to make my dreams a reality... but chances are, you also have this opportunity.  But unless you start saving, sacrificing, and planning, you will never get to travel, you will never get to wherever it is you want to go, and I can guarantee that.  I live a really simple, sometimes boring existence when I'm at home, because I am always saving for travel.  I don't go out and party all the time, I don't spend money on fancy coffees every day, I can't remember the last time I went shopping for new clothes.  (I also don't have children, just sayin...)  I make my travel goals a priority and I make those goals happen, which is something anyone is capable of if it's something they really want to do.  This goes for any goal a person has, really.  Stop talking about it, and, in the immortal words of the insane genius Shia Laboeuf - JUST DO IT.

People don't actually want to know the intricate details of your trip...
...and you may not want to talk about it anyway.
Aside from maybe your parents, when someone asks you about how your trip was, they probably don't expect you to launch into a lengthy summary of your time away.  Unless they ask you specific questions, you can assume that their interest is pretty minimal.  I often don't want to talk much about it after the fact anyway, for a few nebulous reasons.  I get pretty bad "travel hangovers," meaning I'm often really unhappy when I get back from a trip.  Getting back to your life and realizing that nothing around you has really changed, while you have definitely changed, is a very weird thing to sit with.  You have amassed all these unique and amazing experiences and perspectives, and now you're back to the same old thing.  How do you explain this feeling to people?  I would just rather not.  Being a pretty severe introvert I would generally rather keep my memories and experiences to myself.  And that's ok.

Don't take travel advice as gospel.
Figure it out yourself!

Going Home Star: a review, of sorts

Up until recently, I had never left a show right in the middle of it.  I still have a hard time not finishing a book I've started, even if I'm having trouble getting into it, or am simply not enjoying it.  But life is too short to waste time on something you're truly not enjoying.  This post is a sort of review, sort of discussion of the value of art, using a recently produced ballet piece as a jumping off point.

I had a ticket to see The Royal Winnipeg Ballet's new piece, Going Home Star - Truth and Reconciliation as part of my Dance Victoria subscription, and as someone who studied Canadian history and enjoys the exploration of darker themes through performance art, I was really looking forward to seeing this piece.  The piece basically looks at the impact the residential schools had on First Nations people, which is groundbreaking in terms of content and the chosen medium with which to tell this story (ballet).  Check out RWB's page to learn more.

From the very beginning of the show, I was unimpressed.  First of all, The Royal Winnipeg Ballet is one of the best ballet companies in the world, so I was expecting world-class performances.  What I felt I got was rather uninspired, especially from the lead female dancer (the male dancers impressed me more than the women in general - the man dancing the part of the violently Catholic school headmaster was a standout.)  I was also not at all keen on the music, which, in the first half, was comprised mostly of throat-singing, which normally I find really beautiful and moving, but in this piece, alongside the lackluster dancing, I found grating and distracting.
A bigger issue for me, though, was that in this retelling of a significant story in Aboriginal history, there were no Aboriginal dancers.  For some reason I felt really put off and oddly offended watching Asian dancers portraying First Nations people and blond Russian dancers portraying North Americans.  Come on folks - we couldn't find ANY First Nations ballerinas in the entire world of dance to perform in this story of First Nations people?!  This seemed like such backhanded cultural appropriation to me, even though the whole idea of this piece (and the caveat that it must be performed as a ballet) actually came from a First Nations woman!  As a white woman perhaps it's not my place to feel offended by something like this, but I did and I do.

I also just could not imagine sitting through this entire show and witnessing at the end of it the impassioned standing ovation that was surely coming, surrounded by uppity middle- to upper-class white folks who felt that because they bought a ticket to the ballet they were part of some great reparation.  I'm aware this is a contentious stance to take, considering this is exactly what the piece aims to do... it has the words "truth and reconciliation" in the title, after all.  But I can't help but wonder how many of those audience members are the same people who also rail against the homeless in our city, many of whom are First Nations and have landed on the streets as a direct result of residential schools and our successful decimation of their culture and their people.  This, of course, is total speculation and could be way off base, but these are the things I think about and wonder if people make the same kinds of connections.

Now, admittedly I left at intermission, so I can only speak to my experience of the first half.  And I've heard the second was a bit better, and of course everything all came together and the point was made.  I think in terms of the content and having this story reach a new demographic, the piece is successful.  If it comes to your town and you're interested, you should go see it.  But overall, as someone who studied, in particular, this dark part of Canadian and Aboriginal history, I was unmoved, unimpressed, and disappointed with the overall execution.

I will say though, that this piece obviously holds much more importance for First Nations people, whose story is being told.  Perhaps that's what's most important.

As part of the same yearly dance subscription I had seen a show brought in from Ballet BC, which had similar themes in one of its pieces.  This dance was not at all as literal, but the audience certainly got the meaning, and the performance was breathtaking.  The dancers' movements were articulate and fluid, the music was varied but paid beautiful homage to First Nations culture (there was a whole section danced to whalesong!), and there was a moment when all dancers lay on the red-lit washed stage, alternately pulsing with the music, which spoke to me of the First People's struggle far more intimately and powerfully than any moment in Going Home Star.  The Ballet BC piece was subtle, powerful, and beautifully performed.  To my mind, it vastly outshined RWB's heavy-handed, almost schmaltzy portrayal.

This leads me to a wider discussion of the value of these types of pieces.  We recently had an exceptional piece of theatre come to my work from Buddies in Bad Times Theatre in Toronto, called The Gay Heritage Project, which looked at gay culture throughout history and asked the question "Is there such a thing as gay heritage?"  The piece is performed by 3 uber-talented young men and is comprised of vignettes based on their experiences as gay men and their studies on the subject of gay history.  When speaking with one of my coworkers about this play, she mentioned that she finds it difficult to comment on a piece like this, considering the content - obviously the subject matter is of importance, and therefore to critique it would be a tricky line to navigate.  I disagree.  I think this line of thinking is a cop-out that a person may use instead of speaking their mind about a piece of art and possibly offending people.  Just because a piece of art talks about an important issue does not automatically make it a high quality piece of art; sometimes a monologue is just self-important, pretentious drivel.  Sometimes a painting is just crap.  Sometimes a play has a weak script and uninspired delivery.  The theme of the piece has nothing to do with its quality of execution, and artists who assume they've done a good job simply because they are talking about a certain subject are obviously more interested in self-service than in creating meaningful art.  Artistic merit has to be based on more than content.
(Going back to The Gay Heritage Project: if this piece comes to your town, see it.  It's an incredible, celebratory, and moving piece of theatre.)

It's always really important to remember that art is subjective (and that's one of the wonderful things about it).  I've always had a problem with people who judge others based on the type of music they like, for example.  Maybe you think Nickleback is crap (or Steely Dan, or Styx - whatever), but making an assumption about someone based on the fact that they enjoy their music says more about you as a person than it does about the Nickleback-lover, you judgemental prick.  What bearing does someone else's musical taste have on you and your life?  Why do you even care?  Does everyone have to agree with your tastes?  Why can't we let people like what they like?!  It's like judging a person based on the type of food they like to eat; I abhor mushrooms and always have, but I don't think any less of someone who loves mushrooms, because that would be fucking stupid.
What I'm saying is this: the fact that I didn't enjoy my experience of Going Home Star does not and should not make the piece any less meaningful for someone else. And anyway, being a supporter of the arts often means taking risks and possibly paying to see a piece you don't like.  But the important thing is that we are going out and supporting the arts and (hopefully) having open, respectful dialogue afterwards.  At the end of the day, art that incites any kind of discussion is worthwhile and valuable.

The picture of heroism

Several images were circulating awhile ago comparing Caitlyn Jenner to various other people, with the intent of cutting her down.  Today's post discusses these images and why I fucking hate them.

The above image compares Caitlyn Jenner to our Canadian hero, Terry Fox.  Every single Canadian grows up knowing who Terry Fox is, but for my American and international friends (of whom I'm suuuuure there are many reading this...), he was a young man who, after being diagnosed with cancer and losing his leg to it at age 18, decided to run across Canada to raise money and awareness for cancer research.  Throughout his journey Terry amassed a huge national following, but was never able to complete his cross-Canada run, having to stop in Thunder Bay only several months after he started, due to his cancer having spread.  Less than a year later, he died in hospital at age 22 - just shy of his 23rd birthday.  Since then, Canadians have participated in the yearly Terry Fox Run and the Terry Fox Foundation has raised over $700 million for cancer research.  (For a much more detailed account of this awesome man's story or how to donate to his cause, go here or here.)

OK now that we've got that (mostly unnecessary) Canadian history lesson out of the way, let's get into it.  Obviously the above image attempts to mock not only Caitlyn Jenner, but those people (in this case, Americans), who recognize her bravery - because "HA HA, people think this "woman" is a brave man!"
This is SO WRONG in SO MANY WAYS and makes my heart sick.
First of all, there is not one single definition of what bravery is.  A person can be brave in myriad ways.  A father can be brave to his daughter because he removes a spider from her room.  A woman can be brave for speaking out about women's issues (or men's issues, who cares!)  A child can be brave for jumping into a lake to save another child from drowning.  A person can be brave for conquering something from climbing K2 to surviving cancer.  Courage is not the lack of fear of something - it is acting despite the fear of something.

I've also seen an image with a firefighter rescuing a small, ash-covered naked child, with the caption: "If Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman, so be it. His body - he can do what he wants to it. But please - stop calling it heroic, courageous & brave because it isn't. This is heroic, courageous & brave........."

These images have aaaaall kinds of connotations and and implications.  I'll start off with the gender aspect.
You'll notice in both these images Caitlyn Jenner is compared to a cisgendered man.  Can only a cisgendered man be heroic?  Was Caitlyn only a hero when she was Bruce Jenner - a masculine, athletic, Olympic medalist - and now that she is a woman she has lost the respect awarded to him?  She is the same person who achieved athletic success as Bruce Jenner - her body is the same body (with some tweaks, to be sure - though none of that is anyone's fucking business but her own) that won gold at the Olympics.  Her mind and spirit are the same mind and spirit that helped her focus on and conquer her athletic goals.  We need to be aware of these inherent gendered assumptions and reshape our ideas that have (whether we're aware of it or not) been influenced by them.

Someone had commented on this image: "That is correct.. the photo of a rescue is heroic,courageous & brave.. Bruce Jenners' is a choice.." (sic)
The idea that it is a person's choice to be born in a body whose sex does not match who they know they truly are is fucking outrageous, small-minded, and (most importantly) scientifically incorrect (as discussed here, and here).  And if courage is not a lack of fear, but acting despite that fear, then a trans person's very scary decision to transition - in the face of a society that doesn't understand or accept this decision (and often mocks and vilifies them for it) - is, by definition, courageous.  You've just been word-ninja'd, fools.

My sister had a beautiful, informed response to the firefighter image and its commentator, which I'm pleased to share as part of this discussion:

"There are so many things wrong with the way that argument is framed. It is not a choice to be trapped in the wrong body your whole life - to feel anger, depression, and anxiety because you're trying so hard to adhere to society's expectations of a macho white male athlete while your soul is screaming at you to do the opposite. It is absolutely heroic to claim and proclaim your true self in a public forum. And if we're measuring heroism by lives saved, consider that millions of LGBTQ people die as a direct result of prejudice - whether it be via suicide due to the worthlessness that one feels when they know that they are not accepted by peers or family members or from direct acts of disgusting bigoted violence. People like Jenner help to educate the general (often ignorant) public and show LGBTQ people that it's ok to be who you are and to be proud of it. There are exceptionally high rates of suicide in the LGBTQ community and if Jenner's actions change the minds of a few people considering ending their lives, that is indeed heroic. A friend of mine went to 8 funerals last year. All LGBTQ people, all suicides. All because at one point or another, the people in their lives who were supposed to love and support them the most (along with society) made them feel unwelcome, unwanted, and unworthy. Yes people who put their lives on the line directly are heroes and are brave, but people who go against the grain to inspire those who need it most in spite of what a large portion of society might think are also."

I could not have said it better.
(I'll also note that my sister's response actually received a "you're right, I had never thought of it that way" from the original commentator, which is an AWESOME outcome of any discussion, and exactly what I aim to do with these types of conversations.)

The most disturbing aspect of this type of attack to me, though, has more to do with the comparison to Terry Fox, and more specifically the comparison of people's suffering.  There is no doubt that people with cancer suffer - we've all seen it and I'm not at all discounting or disrespecting that.  And Terry Fox is absolutely a hero and a Canadian icon who contributes to my pride as a Canadian.  But I've heard people argue that the suffering of people with cancer far outweighs a trans person's suffering, which to me seems a ridiculous assertion; first of all, since we can't actually know the extent of a person's suffering (duh), how can we compare it?  Secondly, can you imagine being born with the expectation of behaving and functioning as someone you know you are not?  Can you imagine struggling to figure yourself out, and once you do, realizing that you are not at all accepted by society, and possibly not even by those closest to you?  Can you imagine constantly wondering who you are, what you are, fighting for visibility because people still believe it's impossible to be born in the wrong body and that (much the way some people still somehow view being gay) it's a "choice"?  Some trans people suffer their entire lives.  So you can not tell me one situation is worse than another.

All this aside, though, WE SHOULD NOT BE COMPARING PEOPLE'S SUFFERING.
Trans issues are a very new thing at the forefront of society, I know.  So I can (to an extent) understand people's ignorance on such issues.  But simply because you don't fully understand or aren't properly educated on one subject does not delegitimize the subject or make you right (in fact, it sorta does the opposite).  You are never going to know what truly goes on inside a person's head, or fully understand a person's experience; the angst a trans person might feel is unimaginable to someone born cisgendered, just as the pain and suffering a person with cancer might feel is unimaginable to someone who has never gone through it.  Most importantly, though, your experience or suffering absolutely does not invalidate someone else's, or give you license to compare or comment on it.
Also, I just fully don't understand the need or impulse to pit one group's suffering against another.  What's the fucking point?  We are all human beings and we all feel suffering, regardless of the cause.  Rather than arguing "oh I've suffered more than you because..." or "my suffering is more valid than yours because..." my hope is that the knowledge that we have all felt the pain of suffering would incite empathy within us, fuel us to try to ease each other's pain instead of compounding it with our own irrelevant judgement.  I feel the same when I hear people arguing over who has had it worse: blacks, Jews, gays, women... when we have these arguments we are missing the point entirely; having these arguments only serves to further divide us, instead of inciting unity and solidarity in the shared experience of humanity.  As much as certain people would like to convince you, it is not "us against them."  It is never "us against them" and never should be.  We are all human beings, and though we certainly experience life differently, we all have the capacity to love, to feel pain... and we are all worthy of the same respect and acceptance.

I also wonder if people are simply sick of Caitlyn Jenner as a celebrity.  It's true - as Bruce Jenner she was part of the incredibly annoying Kardashian-fuelled trend of people being rich and famous just for being rich and famous, so I kind of understand if some people are feeling like they've had enough already.  And from what I can gather, Bruce Jenner was kind of a huge asshole (which I feel can almost be excused, because wouldn't you be pissed off and miserable if you were stuck inside the wrong body all your life?)  But that shit is small peanuts compared to what Caitlyn Jenner stands for now, the strength and courage she has shown in her very public journey, and consequently the strength and courage she has given to trans people everywhere who are only now beginning to gain visibility and acceptance (even within the queer community).  For these reasons, Caitlyn Jenner is absolutely a fucking hero.
Finally, I question who actually creates these images for public viewing.  My guess is it's the same kind of person who generally likes to stir up trouble on the internet because they crave attention and have nothing else better to do: at best, a pre-teen kid whose mind and opinions haven't fully or properly formed, and at worst, some close-minded, back-country evangelical Christian who thinks earthquakes and terrorism happen because "God hates fags."   
We shouldn't be encouraging this immature drivel.
Instead, we need to think critically before posting something like this.  It may just be a simple image, a way to voice a person's (ahemmisguidedahem) opinion.  But whether we realize it or not, these hateful, hurtful, unnecessary images have extremely damaging implications. 

Deconstructing the dick pic

If you are a woman of a certain age, demographic and generation, it's more than likely you've fallen victim to the dreaded unsolicited dick pic.  (If you haven't, consider yourself lucky, ladies).  I recently saw a brilliant story about how a woman responded to an unsolicited dick pic - you can find the link to the story here:

In her hilarious response, the gal essentially asks the guy what he gets out of sending chicks a picture of his parts, which made me wonder the same about anyone who does this.  Seriously guys, what is the end game, here?  In this case, the two people don't even live in the same state, so there is zero chance of them hooking up.  And anyway, do dudes really think a woman is going to take a look at a blurry closeup of their privates and think "mmmm yeeeeah, gotta get me sum a dat."  In many other cases, the two people involved may actually know each other and have possibly gone out, so perhaps there is a chance of a hookup... but even then, a random dick pic to a girl's phone is not going to clinch the deal, my dudes, unless it has been part of a sexy conversation leading up to it, maybe.

So why, I ask, WHYYYY with the dick pics?!

When I asked my similarly critically-thinking sister what she thought, she brought up something that we've discussed in the past, especially relating to (heterosexual) online dating and the difference between a woman's dating profile and that of a man: biologically, women are wired to be more focused on and attracted to a man's face, whereas men are more discerning about a woman's body when choosing a partner.  This has everything to do with our inherent desire to carry on the best genes possible to the next generation, thereby ensuring strong, healthy offspring.  In general, a woman looks for symmetry in a man's face, for example, to make sure her offspring are similarly symmetrically and healthily formed, while men subconsciously want to choose a female mate who will be capable of carrying his child, and therefore focus more on the woman's body.  Keep in mind, this is an outrageously reductive explanation of what is obviously a much more complicated scientific process than how I'm explaining it.  For a better idea of what I mean, click here, here, here and here!

In any case, this difference is why women's dating profiles usually contain pictures mostly of their faces, and men's contain mostly pictures of their bodies - they each think they're showing off the most desirable parts of themselves, because they don't realize that each gender is looking for something different (although essentially for the same reasons). 
SO my sister's contribution ties into our delicious dick pic discussion thusly: a man sending a woman a picture of his bits is his way of showing off his body (and specifically, a part of the body obviously essential to reproduction) and what he can contribute genetically.

I think this is definitely part of it, but I also believe there is something more socially insidious going on.

I have this theory that everyone is insecure, to a degree.  Of course there are those few people who are totally self-actualized and at peace with who they are, but I think examples of these folks are few and far-between.  We all have our shit.  And we all have ways of trying to defend ourselves against this shit, or make it seem like our shit doesn't exist.  Self-effacement, or on the other side, self-aggrandizement, blatant attention-seeking, making fun of yourself before other people do, dressing up as a 9 when you think you're a 3 - whatever the manifestation, big or small, subtle or obvious, we all have ways of trying to hide our insecurities or live up to certain expectations, real or imagined.
One of the basic paradigms of gender studies is that masculinity is constantly in crisis; society has very strict expectations when it comes to "manliness" and all it entails, which contributes greatly to a lot of men's insecurity.  And society has dictated that a man's virility and manliness is directly connected to his penis.  We've all heard jokes about men who feel the need to drive massive trucks or tricked out cars - overcompensation, anyone?  Whether or not these jokes have a grain of truth, they play on the fact that a man's identity as a strong, worthy male is very closely tied to his penis.  So to my mind, a man sending a woman a picture of his bits is a man perhaps overcompensating for his insecurity (or denying said insecurity) in so doing.
...Or maybe he really is just a cocky asshole.  (Pun intended.  Pun always intended.)

My final analysis has to do with something every woman has experienced in some way or another. (Perhaps that way was via unsolicited dick pick - hooray!)  There has been a lot of discussion lately about catcalling, mansplaining and manspreading.  A central aspect of all of these things is men aggressively imposing themselves on women, which has everything to do with (among other things) the fact that being out in public has historically been a man's domain (whereas up until recently, of course, women's domain was in the house).
This kind of shit happens ALL THE TIME.  A woman will be sitting by herself under a tree, reading a book, and some man feels it's his right to walk up and interrupt her.  Would he do this if it was another man sitting under a tree reading, obviously engaged in his own space, oblivious and disinterested in the world around him?  Probably not - not only because a heterosexual man has less interest in engaging with another man than with a woman - but because men hold an inherent respect for other men, while, as much as people like to believe otherwise, they do not hold the same respect or sense of personal agency for women (this is why, when a man approaches a woman at a bar, he is more easily rejected when the woman claims to have a boyfriend than if the woman simply says she is not interested - if the woman has a boyfriend, she already belongs to someone else... but if she is simply not interested, it's more likely a man will push for more engagement with the woman.)  I can attest to aaaall of this.  I have the most intimidating case of Bitchy Resting Face an adorable woman of my size can have, and yet I still get approached by men who either don't understand or don't care that I want to be left alone, dammit.  Men, ask your female friends or relatives, and you will hear similar stories - I promise you.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS FEMINIST RANT I hear you asking.  The point is, unsolicited dick pics are another way men impose themselves on women.  After all, what are women if not captive audiences for an insecure man's stupid, self-serving bullshit?!

Now that I have you men all worked up (#notallmen, yo!), I should pop a note in here saying that I am certainly not accusing all men of this kind of behaviour.  When I use the term "men," I know it implies "all men," but really it's just easier than me having to specify "some men" every time.  I recognize that not every man does these ridiculous things.
On the other hand, I don't believe that the men who do these things (send dick pics, for example), are bad guys.  I really don't.  I think men who do these things are unwittingly buying into the gendered assumptions that men need to be macho, and machismo is linked to a man's penis, and therefore he has to show off his penis.  I think these situations are much more complex than writing men off as simply being bad guys, and I hold men to a much higher standard than that (in fact, holding men to a higher standard is a major part of true third-wave feminism), which is why I like to call them out for shit like this.  You're better than this, my dudes.  I think we all (men, women and otherwise) need to start recognizing the gendered expectations we are ALL playing into and the damage it continues to do to our relationships and society as a whole.  We need to turn that shit on its head, and I truly believe having discussions and dissections like this is a step toward doing that.

Men, your power, your identity, your worth as a man is not in your penis or your ability to wag it around in someone's face whenever you feel like it.  These things are in your heart, your mind, your soul. They're in being a good parent to your child, or a good son to your parents.  In the love and support you show to your friends and family.  In your strength in overcoming life's obstacles.  In your ability to call out a friend for their bullshit, or to own up to your own mistakes.  In the pride you take in whatever you do to contribute positively to society.
You'll notice that in all these examples, you can replace the male subject with a female. That's because we're the fucking same.  The difference is, you don't see women sending random strangers pictures of their vulvae.