Deconstructing the dick pic

If you are a woman of a certain age, demographic and generation, it's more than likely you've fallen victim to the dreaded unsolicited dick pic.  (If you haven't, consider yourself lucky, ladies).  I recently saw a brilliant story about how a woman responded to an unsolicited dick pic - you can find the link to the story here:

In her hilarious response, the gal essentially asks the guy what he gets out of sending chicks a picture of his parts, which made me wonder the same about anyone who does this.  Seriously guys, what is the end game, here?  In this case, the two people don't even live in the same state, so there is zero chance of them hooking up.  And anyway, do dudes really think a woman is going to take a look at a blurry closeup of their privates and think "mmmm yeeeeah, gotta get me sum a dat."  In many other cases, the two people involved may actually know each other and have possibly gone out, so perhaps there is a chance of a hookup... but even then, a random dick pic to a girl's phone is not going to clinch the deal, my dudes, unless it has been part of a sexy conversation leading up to it, maybe.

So why, I ask, WHYYYY with the dick pics?!

When I asked my similarly critically-thinking sister what she thought, she brought up something that we've discussed in the past, especially relating to (heterosexual) online dating and the difference between a woman's dating profile and that of a man: biologically, women are wired to be more focused on and attracted to a man's face, whereas men are more discerning about a woman's body when choosing a partner.  This has everything to do with our inherent desire to carry on the best genes possible to the next generation, thereby ensuring strong, healthy offspring.  In general, a woman looks for symmetry in a man's face, for example, to make sure her offspring are similarly symmetrically and healthily formed, while men subconsciously want to choose a female mate who will be capable of carrying his child, and therefore focus more on the woman's body.  Keep in mind, this is an outrageously reductive explanation of what is obviously a much more complicated scientific process than how I'm explaining it.  For a better idea of what I mean, click here, here, here and here!

In any case, this difference is why women's dating profiles usually contain pictures mostly of their faces, and men's contain mostly pictures of their bodies - they each think they're showing off the most desirable parts of themselves, because they don't realize that each gender is looking for something different (although essentially for the same reasons). 
SO my sister's contribution ties into our delicious dick pic discussion thusly: a man sending a woman a picture of his bits is his way of showing off his body (and specifically, a part of the body obviously essential to reproduction) and what he can contribute genetically.

I think this is definitely part of it, but I also believe there is something more socially insidious going on.

I have this theory that everyone is insecure, to a degree.  Of course there are those few people who are totally self-actualized and at peace with who they are, but I think examples of these folks are few and far-between.  We all have our shit.  And we all have ways of trying to defend ourselves against this shit, or make it seem like our shit doesn't exist.  Self-effacement, or on the other side, self-aggrandizement, blatant attention-seeking, making fun of yourself before other people do, dressing up as a 9 when you think you're a 3 - whatever the manifestation, big or small, subtle or obvious, we all have ways of trying to hide our insecurities or live up to certain expectations, real or imagined.
One of the basic paradigms of gender studies is that masculinity is constantly in crisis; society has very strict expectations when it comes to "manliness" and all it entails, which contributes greatly to a lot of men's insecurity.  And society has dictated that a man's virility and manliness is directly connected to his penis.  We've all heard jokes about men who feel the need to drive massive trucks or tricked out cars - overcompensation, anyone?  Whether or not these jokes have a grain of truth, they play on the fact that a man's identity as a strong, worthy male is very closely tied to his penis.  So to my mind, a man sending a woman a picture of his bits is a man perhaps overcompensating for his insecurity (or denying said insecurity) in so doing.
...Or maybe he really is just a cocky asshole.  (Pun intended.  Pun always intended.)

My final analysis has to do with something every woman has experienced in some way or another. (Perhaps that way was via unsolicited dick pick - hooray!)  There has been a lot of discussion lately about catcalling, mansplaining and manspreading.  A central aspect of all of these things is men aggressively imposing themselves on women, which has everything to do with (among other things) the fact that being out in public has historically been a man's domain (whereas up until recently, of course, women's domain was in the house).
This kind of shit happens ALL THE TIME.  A woman will be sitting by herself under a tree, reading a book, and some man feels it's his right to walk up and interrupt her.  Would he do this if it was another man sitting under a tree reading, obviously engaged in his own space, oblivious and disinterested in the world around him?  Probably not - not only because a heterosexual man has less interest in engaging with another man than with a woman - but because men hold an inherent respect for other men, while, as much as people like to believe otherwise, they do not hold the same respect or sense of personal agency for women (this is why, when a man approaches a woman at a bar, he is more easily rejected when the woman claims to have a boyfriend than if the woman simply says she is not interested - if the woman has a boyfriend, she already belongs to someone else... but if she is simply not interested, it's more likely a man will push for more engagement with the woman.)  I can attest to aaaall of this.  I have the most intimidating case of Bitchy Resting Face an adorable woman of my size can have, and yet I still get approached by men who either don't understand or don't care that I want to be left alone, dammit.  Men, ask your female friends or relatives, and you will hear similar stories - I promise you.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS FEMINIST RANT I hear you asking.  The point is, unsolicited dick pics are another way men impose themselves on women.  After all, what are women if not captive audiences for an insecure man's stupid, self-serving bullshit?!

Now that I have you men all worked up (#notallmen, yo!), I should pop a note in here saying that I am certainly not accusing all men of this kind of behaviour.  When I use the term "men," I know it implies "all men," but really it's just easier than me having to specify "some men" every time.  I recognize that not every man does these ridiculous things.
On the other hand, I don't believe that the men who do these things (send dick pics, for example), are bad guys.  I really don't.  I think men who do these things are unwittingly buying into the gendered assumptions that men need to be macho, and machismo is linked to a man's penis, and therefore he has to show off his penis.  I think these situations are much more complex than writing men off as simply being bad guys, and I hold men to a much higher standard than that (in fact, holding men to a higher standard is a major part of true third-wave feminism), which is why I like to call them out for shit like this.  You're better than this, my dudes.  I think we all (men, women and otherwise) need to start recognizing the gendered expectations we are ALL playing into and the damage it continues to do to our relationships and society as a whole.  We need to turn that shit on its head, and I truly believe having discussions and dissections like this is a step toward doing that.

Men, your power, your identity, your worth as a man is not in your penis or your ability to wag it around in someone's face whenever you feel like it.  These things are in your heart, your mind, your soul. They're in being a good parent to your child, or a good son to your parents.  In the love and support you show to your friends and family.  In your strength in overcoming life's obstacles.  In your ability to call out a friend for their bullshit, or to own up to your own mistakes.  In the pride you take in whatever you do to contribute positively to society.
You'll notice that in all these examples, you can replace the male subject with a female. That's because we're the fucking same.  The difference is, you don't see women sending random strangers pictures of their vulvae.